


Karkat vs. World

by rocknrollalien



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 15:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocknrollalien/pseuds/rocknrollalien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The humans decide to take the remaining trolls back to an undamaged Earth. Karkat's violent reaction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karkat vs. World

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Christmas present for a friend!

There are quite a few ways to get introduced to new cultures that don’t result in culture-shock. A tour guide, for example, can help with these things. Reading a book or two before being put into an unfamiliar situation, is another way. It’s not entirely difficult to avoid culture-shock, but then again you don’t normally like to give the impression that you give any fucks about what’s going on. Researching, or asking for help, definitely implies that there are fucks being given, which simply wouldn’t do for a fellow like yourself.

The last of your long-standing living friends, and those human assholes, all stood around the living room in John’s hive. They’d discussed it previously, and decided that John’s hive was the most “normal” of the “houses” that the humans “resided” in. So far, your experience had been sickening. You had had to wander out in the freakishly bright sunlight, dealing with the harsh reality that no, sunlight doesn’t melt your eyes out on Earth. After excessive embarrassing flinching at the sunlight, you loudly complained about how a pussy sun like that could even exist. What’s the point of a sun if it doesn’t maim you if you wander out in it?

“I Do Not Know, Karkat. It Is Fairly Pleasant, Actually, Not Having To Battle With The Undead During The Day,” Kanaya mused between your fuming. 

“IT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY HUMANS ARE AT FIGHTING THAT EVEN THEIR GODDAMN SUN GOES OUT OF ITS WAY TO BABY THESE LITTLE CUNTS. THE GROUND IS SOFT FOR THEIR LITTLE GRUB TOES SO THAT THEY DON’T STUB THEM BECAUSE DEAR GOD WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF A HAPLESS LITTLE HUMAN STUBBED ITS SHITTY TOES THE WORLD WOULD FUCKING END HOW TERRIBLE WOULD THAT BE.” You crossed your arms as you crossed the threshold into John’s hive.

“yo be quiet now okay li’l man?” Dave said, flopping onto John’s couch.

“NO I WILL NOT BE QUIET YOU INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE. I HAVE A COMPLETE RIGHT TO EXERT MY SUPERIORITY OVER YOU ANIMALS!”

“K4RK4T YOUR3 THROW1NG 4 H1SSY F1T OV3R SUNL1GHT JUST HOLD TH3 FIR3WORKS UNT1L W3 G3T TO SOM3TH1NG 4CTU4LLY W31RD OK4Y?” Terezi said, smirking at you.

“Uh well guys you can feel free to explore my house! There’s not a whole lot of interesting stuff besides the clowns and harlequins I guess but those are just weird so you can ignore them,” John told you, with a sweeping motion to indicate the freedom of the hive was yours to be had.

You shrugged your shoulders, letting everyone know that you really did not care to explore one way or another, but it was better than sitting around talking to these shitheads with nothing but dust in their thinkpans. You stepped languidly upstairs, trying to give off the impression that you were the coolest fucker in all of Earth and fuck you already tripped on your own feet you idiot.

After recovering from the freakishly embarrassing fall that literally no one saw, you managed to make your way into John’s room. It had long since been repaired from the horrible architecture that the Rose human had wrought, so it just looked like a normal bedroom to any decent human.

But to a troll, it was chaos and confusion. You couldn’t find the sopor slime, everything was bright and white, and what even was that on the wall? You guessed it might be a place to sleep, but there was no guarantee. Humans were, after all, notoriously weird. After rooting around in there for a little bit, turning the mattress upside down a few times in order to unsuccessfully glean its purpose, you moved on to another room.

There was a toilet that much you recognised. In the cabinet were cans of…something? You pressed on the top of one of the cans and foam came spurting out. No. No. This was bad. This was very bad. As any reasonable person at the age of almost 8 sweeps would do, you began screaming wordlessly at the prospect of the things in John’s bathroom.

John and Jade barreled up the stairs as Dave, Rose, and the other trolls more accustomed to this sort of thing ignored his shrieks of confusion and anger.

“Are you alright??” Jade asked, looking around the bathroom for signs of foes with her rifle ready for action.

You continued screaming, now at a tooth brush because you simply just didn’t understand.

John and Jade blinked at you.

“Is he having a stroke?” John whispered.

“I’m not sure,” Jade replied.

It came time for you to take a breath, upon which occasion, you fainted. Just before the world went dark, you could hear Dave calling out from downstairs,

“arent you glad we didnt take him to a movie?”


End file.
